News In Briefs

The World Today 2

Meanwhile, it's been discovered that children who listen to sexually explicit songs will have sex earlier. DUH!

The suicide of a 23 year old man and his 15 year old girlfriend was found to be unrelated to Goth culture or Satanic rituals, according to the Coroner. Apparently the Satanic symbols carved into their flesh and messages written all over their bodies has no relation to a 'demonic' practice, the deaths were related to 'everyday problems'. Problems so mundane that every suicide is accompanied by strange symbols and latin phrases. Police are now investigating whether the Coroner is buying by the ounce or pound.

Liberal backbencher Jackie Kelly apologised to Peter Costello for calling him a 'toff'. I, however, will not. Costello's a toff.

A plane has crashed into a house in Brisbane. Unfortunately, "The OC" star Mischa Barton was not on board.

Neither was Bono. Koffi Annan reportedly suggested that U2 visit war-torn Lebanon to stage a 'Peace Concert'.

"They nearly fell for it," said the Secretary General, "we'd set up a UN observation post for them to stay in, and Israel was notified of it's location. "It's not that we don't like their music," said one UN official, "but to have to listen to Bob Geldof AND Bono... it's too much."

Finally, not only do we have to suffer through the 'Feral Gummint's continued lies over issues like petrol prices and interest rates, now they're insulting us. That's right, the people who told you that interest rates would NOT rise under a coalition goverment have now said that the RISES (yep, plural, more than one) are "over-dramatised". Malcolm Turnbull WOULD know. After all, a Jag uses more petrol than a Corolla, and the interest rise on his investment properties will force him to raise the rent. If not, he may have to start cutting back on the essentials: caviar and bolly on the yacht, baby poodle skin slippers...

posted by Steve @ Tuesday, August 08, 2006