News In Briefs

Terrifying EDDIESICCA Beast Threatens Nine

First things first, I'm not often given to posting twice in a day. It's bad form. Uncultured. But I've found myself particularly enamoured with my MISS UNIVERSE post, which went up before I had my lunch. It was chicken florentine linguine, the frozen variety, and I was reading the 'paper while I choked down that wretched rubbish. It was in the aforementioned chewing and perusing that I spotted this gem, this shining example of modern journalism.

CHANNEL Nine boss Eddie McGuire and Jessica Rowe, the pregnant Today host he allegedly threatened to "bone", smiled and cuddled for the cameras yesterday.

I'm sorry? BONE? Do they know what is implied when a man wants to 'bone' a woman?

The pair's choreographed display of goodwill came at a lunch for advertisers and sales executives, in which Mr McGuire announced the network faced a "titanic battle" against Channel Seven, and that he found this situation "very exciting".

Which situation? The battle or the prospect of 'boning' Jessica Rowe?

Honestly. Meanwhile, Channel Ten are devastated at the news. "If we'd known she was up for that sort of thing, we'd have put Jess on Celebrity Big Brother years ago."

And to think, I STUDIED the craft of journalism at a UNIVERSITY! Seems you just have to be able to speak the language to make the grade now.

posted by Steve @ Wednesday, July 26, 2006