News In Briefs

Croc Bites Back

OJ, me and my mate the taxman, by Paul Hogan
(published today at http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/my-mate-the-taxman-by-hoges/2006/09/13/1157827020116.html)

To whom it may concern,

According to The Sydney Morning Herald on August 24, 2006, I am in so much trouble with the ATO (notice how I just use their initials to protect their identity) that I have hired a "tax fraud specialist", a Washington lawyer named Scott Michel.
You got me. Almost. The last problem I had with the ATO was in 1972 when they claimed that I had "fudged" the overheads on my earnings from my pub "chook raffles". I did hire a lawyer then, my cousin "Shifty Joe" Hogan. He lost the case. He was disbarred in 1973. Since then my relationship with the ATO has been excellent. Probably because they were, by as far as you can throw your hat, the biggest beneficiaries of my movie endeavours.
In fact they even sent me Christmas cards every year … until I became a non-resident for tax purposes. I did write to them suggesting that, unlike me, my friends and our investors, they did not risk one cent, or one minute of their time, therefore it would only be fair to swap their share for ours. To date I have received no reply.
I do have a slight problem with "tax fraud specialist Scott Michel". I had never heard of him. Maybe one of my associates, "bankrupt" publican John "the Goanna" Cornell, or "colourful racing identity" accountant "Big Tony" Stewart, hired him. Not only had they never heard of him, he had never heard of us … until the SMH made the connection.
Here it is, pay attention, it's tricky. My tax returns are done by the reputable international accounting firm Ernst & Young.
About 18 months ago their Sydney office sought advice from their US office regarding my California state tax obligations. The US office then sought tax advice from another tax specialist, Michael Pfeifer. Michael Pfeifer works at the Washington law firm Caplin & Drysdale. Aha! Here's the link … Scott Michel works there too!! Of course you, the SMH, already know this information. It appears you know more about my business than I do. How come? Here's a headline for you even more honest than "Hogan hires tax fraud lawyer". I was once a client of CAA Talent Agency. So was O.J. Simpson. Hence "Hogan suspect in Nicole Simpson murder".
In closing, I would like to thank the SMH and The Australian for including a photo of me and referring to me in every second story about tax fraud, no matter who the story is about. As I am sure is your intent, the free publicity is a big help to me in any business ventures I try to develop in other countries.

A Grateful Reader

Paul Hogan

C/-Villa D'Skase, Spain.

PS A special note to all members of my large extended family. Please stop asking about your visa/debit cards. They must have been lost in the mail …

posted by Steve @ Thursday, September 14, 2006